Transform Homework Battles with a Strengths-Based Approach
Homework management can be a major stressor for some students and the adults who love them. Parents of these kiddos may wonder: Why can’t they just sit still, get started, and get it done? Even when take-home work seems easy and interesting, the reality is that some kids struggle when we ask them to work independently.
With kids who fight, dread, or forget about homework, expecting that they “just get it done” usually does not work. In some cases, holding a rigid expectation about how homework gets done has the potential to stress your relationship with your child.
If enforcing a routine, hovering nearby, or badgering your kiddo into showing you their planner isn’t working, you may want to consider adopting a strengths-based approach. Tapping into your child’s unique strengths has the potential to help reframe challenges, establish meaningful routines, and reduce stress for everyone.
If you’re a parent searching for strategies to help your child manage their workload with less conflict and more confidence, this guide is for you!
What Is a Strengths-Based Approach?
The concept of a strengths-based approach originated in the field of psychology in the 1950s. It was later established as a therapeutic practice by psychologist Donald Clifton. In education, taking a strengths-based approach to guiding our students means flipping the script from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What’s working for you?”
It’s about recognizing, labeling, and tapping into a child’s natural abilities toward the goal of teaching them to tackle challenges independently.
Why It’s Not About Self Esteem
Those of us who went to school in California in the 80s and 90s may have been subject to elements of the Self Esteem Movement, which popularized a notion that academic performance could be improved if children were encouraged and celebrated by their teachers rather than disciplined or graded too harshly. Since then, research has demonstrated that simply praising students for being themselves, as well as telling them they’re smart, does not make a significantly helpful impact on their skill development. In fact, an approach based only on praise is thought to actually stunt children’s ability to problem-solve through challenges.
Similarly, using a deficit-focused approach (i.e. assuming laziness is to blame for poor school performance) to push students to learn is also unlikely to help them achieve academic goals.
Noticing and exploring a student’s strengths is different than cheering them on or criticizing their lack of effort. It’s about pointing your focus and theirs toward inherent qualities than can lead them to solutions as they work through difficult problems.
Why It Works
Research shows that a strengths-based approach is likely to promote increased well-being, persistence, and self-efficacy in students. When students feel supported, they are more able to regulate stress and engage with their work. When adults can point out that there is more than one right way to work through a learning problem, they are more likely to recognize that they have choices - and therefore more control - than they may have assumed before. When kids see adults take more interest in the process of completing work than in the product of the assignment, they learn to apply their skills in a wider variety of situations at school. These changes happen gradually, but they make a positive impact over time.
Where to Begin
How might a parent begin to use strengths-based techniques at homework time? Let’s use an example. Gavin, a 12-year-old, enjoys having time to play video games after school each day. He loves gaming and has difficulty transitioning away from screens when it is time to start his homework. When his parent tells him to get to work, Gavin ignores it, sighs heavily, or sometimes yells in protest. By the time Gavin sits down at the kitchen table to work, he’s feeling irritable, he’s sighing heavily as his parent must walk him through each step of unpacking his materials, and he’s unwilling to work carefully through a set of tough math problems.
Through a deficit lens, it would be easy to label Gavin as immature, avoidant, and lazy. It would be even easier to respond to Gavin’s behavior with forcefulness or frustration. A parent caught in this position might even see themselves through a deficit lens as impatient, weak, or unskilled as a parent.
Through a strengths-based lens, his parent would see an opportunity: This kid’s got energy and drive! Gavin’s love for gaming reflects his competitive nature and problem-solving skills, as well as his strong motivation to reach specific goals and rewards.
Step 1: Reframe Challenges
Qualities that appear as weaknesses in some situations can shine as strengths in others. A slow worker may have incredible attention to detail. An emotionally reactive kiddo may be extra-responsive to encouragement and gentleness. Think about your child’s qualities, as well as your own. Consider the “why” of certain behaviors that appear as weaknesses when it comes to homework time. What is the most generous interpretation of the negative behaviors that come up in this stressful situation?
Reframe struggles: Your child’s resistance to a task might indicate they feel overwhelmed, bored, or unsure of where to start on their homework.
Recognize your own strengths: Even if this part of parenting drains your patience, you can choose to notice your own qualities of patience, persistence, and creativity as you help your student through something hard.
Assume positive intent: Your child may be complaining, losing focus, or procrastinating, but this doesn’t mean they don’t want to enjoy feelings of success at school. Assume they are giving their best effort, even if their best feels lacking in this situation.
If Gavin’s parent can reframe their understanding of his behavior when he complains and avoids his homework, they may realize transitions are hard and stressful for him, especially when he doesn’t have a clear plan or goal to work toward. He may care about earning a good grade in math class, but in this moment he is not able to think about a long term academic goal. It’s not that he doesn’t care… he just needs a new way to get started on his work.
Step 2: Identify Strengths
Ask yourself: What does my child enjoy? When do they feel most confident? What do the people in my child’s life seem to enjoy and admire about them? What characters or figures do they connect with or admire? Ask your child what they think of as their own strengths. If it is difficult to find the words for your child’s best qualities, you can search for a strengths inventory online. Better yet, you and your child can look together at a list of words for strengths and identify which seem to hold meaning for them.
Gavin’s parent can see his love for video games as more than just a hobby— when they watch him play online with friends, they may notice his witty sense of humor, his driven and competitive energy, his quick problem-solving skills, and his ability to focus deeply on a challenge. They may also consider that Gavin’s emotionally expressive nature can sometimes play out as a weakness, but it also shows up as compassion and care for others.
By focusing on these traits as strengths, Gavin’s parent can begin developing strategies that made the transition into homework time more engaging and less confrontational.
Step 3: Define the Problem Without Judgment
To create effective strategies, first identify specific obstacles your child faces. At which part of the process is your student getting stuck?
Stuck on task initiation: Struggling to transition from one activity to another.
Lacking sustained attention: Getting distracted or abandoning the task midway.
Losing focus on goal completion: Rushing through or skipping key steps.
For Gavin, task initiation is a major hurdle. He often resists leaving his game because the transition feels abrupt, and he lacks a routine for getting started on his work. Recognizing how driven he can be when he understands instructions and goals, his parent can help him to practice a specific, structured routine that is all about getting started on tasks.
Step 4: Build a Toolbox of Strategies
Once you’ve identified challenges, use your understanding of your child’s strengths to create a customized toolbox of strategies.
Example Strategies for Task Initiation
Visual checklists: Post a simple step-by-step routine near your child’s workspace.
Reward bundling: Pair homework time with a preferred snack or small reward.
Timers and alarms: Use timers to signal the end of playtime and beginning of homework.
Clear goals: Set specific, measurable tasks like “Complete two math problems by 5:00 PM.”
For Gavin, his parents helped him learn to unpack his homework materials before gaming and introduced a 20-minute screentime limit followed by a small “reward”—like a handful of Lifesaver mints—if he started his homework promptly or with only one extra reminder.
Example Strategies for Sustained Attention
Flexible workspaces: Use chairs, tables, or creative seating arrangements that keep your student comfortable but alert.
Sensory tools: Items like fidget toys can help kids stay focused while regulating sensory needs.
Built-in breaks: Schedule short breaks in between work periods with a timer.
Parental check-ins: Review instructions together before your child begins and check in at certain intervals during work time.
While Gavin doesn’t struggle much with focus, he still benefits from five-minute breaks after every 15 minutes of work. He is calm enough during homework time to express that he would prefer to work on the patio outside. He and his parent agree that it’s helpful for someone to check on him just once during his homework time.
Example Strategies for Goal Completion
Final checks: Create a routine for reviewing completed work before submitting it.
Time estimation practice: Have your child guess how long tasks will take and compare their estimates to actual times.
Celebrate successes: Acknowledge effort and progress, not just outcomes.
If Gavin ever struggles with seeing a big project through, his parent may remember that having clear steps and goals works well for him and create a checklist for him to work through. Knowing that he is sensitive, it may help to listen to him talk about steps of the project along the way to help him regulate emotions and stay focused on working toward the project goal. Pointing out how Gavin is building his skills will help him notice and celebrate his growth.
Step 5: Reflect and Refine
It’s unlikely that a change to your routines will go smoothly on the first try. Continue making adjustments, and take time to reflect on what’s working for you and your student.
Gavin’s parent may notice that while the a checklist works well for him, using a stopwatch timer makes him anxious. He’s able to use the clock to manage his own break time. They’re likely to be enjoying a smoother routine and a feeling of teamwork in a few weeks’ time!
Why This Approach Works
By focusing on strengths more than weaknesses, you and your child can turn homework time from a battle into a collaboration. This approach reduces stress, builds confidence, and helps your child develop valuable learning skills that will follow them into adulthood.
Whether your child is a budding artist, curious inventor, or competitive gamer, their unique traits can pave the way to effective routines that work for your family.
Ready to Transform Homework Time?
Start today by identifying one strength in your child and brainstorming how to incorporate it into their homework routine. With a strengths-based approach, you can create an environment where your child feels supported, capable, and motivated to succeed.
